


Of Cowards and Water

by DaniMeows



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 08:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5620321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniMeows/pseuds/DaniMeows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Besides, Fitz's girlfriends never lasted very long before Fitz broke up with them, did she really want him to date her and then discard her almost immediately like he did with his girlfriends? </p>
<p>Sometimes she thought about the what if's where the signals she'd thought he'd been sending were actually real, where they were Jemma and Leo rather than Fitz and Simmons. </p>
<p>She especially had those thoughts in hot rainy weather when she was sad and trying not cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Cowards and Water

**Author's Note:**

> Written for adaughterofeve on Tumblr for Fitzsimmons Secret Santa for the prompt: Rainy days and the things I always meant to say to you. (Interpret as you will!).
> 
> Sorry I'm late and had to post on amnesty day! Never give your beta reader a new video game for Christmas when you need him to edit your fic!

Rain was falling onto the ground making big puddles and for a moment Jemma wanted to be as lighthearted and playful as she'd been when she was a little girl. When she was a happy little child skipping grades and with very few friends but yet life had still seemed simple. Learn everything you can, never forget your rain gear, and always jump in the puddles and laugh.

But now she was grown woman in rainy, humid, and hot central Florida and not a mostly happy little girl in Sheffield, England. It was Christmas and yet it was 35 degrees Celsius outside for god's sake.

Jemma sighed again as she thought of Christmas, her favorite holiday. She'd always decorated, baked, and sang carols no matter how busy things got at the Academy. This time of year she was always flitting around enjoying her favorite season with people that she cared about.

This year, she'd really wanted Christmas to be special. Her and Fitz couldn't go home but they were at least celebrating together. They were studying a truly fascinating case involving a series of mysterious deaths, but so far Jemma hadn't found anything that could explain the abnormalities that had been observed.

She'd tried so hard to be really cheerful for Fitz by decorating the hotel suite they were sharing. By spending several hours in the kitchen making biscuits, she'd even taken the time to make Christmas Pudding, and yet Fitz had snapped at her far more harshly than usual. Which is why she was a grown woman sitting outside in the hot humid rain, on Christmas morning, rather than being inside enjoying her one day off.

It had hurt. It wasn't unusual for Fitz to snap at her but she'd tried so hard to set up a nice day and yes, Fitz was often times grumpy but usually grumbled his way through her over abundance of holiday cheer by humoring her and eating most of the treats she made for them to share.

She missed her family too and she'd had so much more to do then him so far since autopsies and biochemistry were her area of expertise and she'd been feeling stressed but she hadn't taken out all her frustration out on him.

She hadn't felt this upset and hurt at her best friend since their second year at the academy. He was always snuggling with her on the sofa while they watched telly, buying her small treats, and behaving like her boyfriend. Jemma had even thought that they were dating. She told him she loved him. He told her she didn't feel the same, that he only loved her as a friend. She had binge eaten her way through a pint of ice cream, stopped calling him Leo to the point where it felt weird to even think of him as Leo because he was Fitz now, and she hadn't talked to him for a week.

But that had been years ago and maybe things were better this way. Since they weren't lovers they were able to stay partners without having to go through various forms and committees which would determine if they were allowed to stay partners. 

Besides, Fitz's girlfriends never lasted very long before Fitz broke up with them, did she really want him to date her and then discard her almost immediately like he did with his girlfriends? 

Sometimes she thought about the what if's where the signals she'd thought he'd been sending were actually real, where they were Jemma and Leo rather than Fitz and Simmons. 

She especially had those thoughts in hot rainy weather when she was sad and trying not cry while sitting on a park bench, because her friend had yelled at her for attempting to enjoy her favorite holiday despite their location and lack of being either home with their families or at their home lab.

 

“I'm a bleeding coward,” Fitz told himself. Jemma had run from the suite before opening gifts or even eating the breakfast that she'd cooked while looking like she would cry. Reminding him of that other time that she'd run away from him crying after telling him that she loved him when he'd been a bloody fucking coward and told her that he didn't love her as anything more than a friend. He'd lied then.

He'd loved her. She was brilliant and kind and cheerful and the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. But he'd been afraid. Not of rejection but of losing her. If they entered into a relationship, what if they didn't get permission to be together? What if they were no longer allowed to be partners together? That was an unacceptable loss. So he'd lied.

For a week he'd been afraid that he'd lost her anyway as she'd left and hadn't been in his presence for a whole week, but she'd come back and they'd still been friends. He mourned the loss of hearing his first name come from her lips every now and again because he'd gotten used to not hating his first name so much when Jemma said it while they were snuggled on the couch together watching movies. Leo wasn't so bad to hear then, it was actually quite nice.

He'd been so snappy this week because he was jealous. Jemma was beautiful and there were a few doctors that she was working with that were flirting and noticing her. To add to it, He wasn't really needed professionally yet either, this was a case involving human bodies and so far nothing mechanical or for him to work with so he was feeling a bit like a spare prick at a wedding while Jemma was busy and being flirted with by other guys. Guys who could acknowledge just how beautiful and brilliant Jemma was because they didn't have to work with her and therefore didn't have to worry about non-fraternization policies. 

But still, he hadn't needed to be such a dick. He should go apologize. Jemma came in then, soaking wet from the rain, and he quickly apologized but couldn't work up the courage to tell her the other half of it, telling her only about being upset because he was unnecessary.

 

Years later, in a med pod underwater in a situation where only one of them could make it out safely, he finally got the chance to show it even if couldn't tell her.

“Why would you make me do this, you're my best friend in the world!” she cried.

“Yeah and you're more than that. I couldn't find the courage to tell you before so please let me show you,” he said.

He wanted to say the words to her but he didn't want his last words to her to be those three words, for her to know that they could have been together if he'd just been less scared of losing her all those years ago.


End file.
